When Someone You Love Dies

Transcription

1 When Someone You Love Dies

2 Dear Family Member, You have our deepest sympathy and condolences in the loss of your loved one. This time of sorrow can be very difficult. There are emotional and financial concerns that may arise in the coming weeks and months. We have prepared this guide to assist you. Sincerely, - The Staff of Martin Health System Table of Contents Immediately After a Death What Do We Do Now? Page 2 Help with Healing Page 2 Coping with Grief/Hints for Healing Page 3-4 Grief Recovery Page 5 Business and Financial Concerns Page 5 Death Certificates Page 6 Social Security Page 8 Taxes/Veteran s Benefits Page 8 The Will Page 9 1 Martin Health System

3 Immediately After a Death-What Do We Do Now? First, you should notify immediate family members and the close personal friends you want to have with you at the bedside. The hospital staff will allow you privacy to stay with your loved one for a short period of time to say your farewells. You may wish to call your clergy person. If you desire, the hospital chaplain or a case manager can lend additional support. You should take care of immediate personal responsibilities. Are there children who need to be picked up? Are you a personal caregiver to someone who is dependent? Do you have medications that you need to take? Do arrangements need to be made for any pets at home? Do you have a safe ride home? Let your family and friends help you with some of these immediate needs. Ask the nurse to help you gather your loved one s personal belongings and to check if there were valuable items sent to security for safekeeping. If prior arrangements have been made, give the name of the funeral home to the nurse. However, you do not have to identify a funeral home before you leave the hospital. When a funeral home is chosen, contact the Nurse Supervisor Martin Medical Center , ext Hospital South , ext Tradition Medical Center , ext The funeral home will take care of all arrangements related to the transfer of the body, including to an out of state location. Help with Healing When faced with grief, most people naturally seek consolation from family, friends and clergy. Often those close to us are able to provide comfort, especially in the difficult first weeks and months when you need to endure and move beyond the seemingly overwhelming sorrow of the death of a loved one. But grief cuts very deep and time does not necessarily heal all wounds. We are all advised to let go and move on after losses of all kinds. Most of us would do that if we knew how. Professional help is available throughout Martin and St. Lucie Counties in the form of recovery programs, bereavement groups, grief retreats and bereavement counseling programs. The decision about what type of program to choose and when to participate will vary from person to person. Some find a need to attend martinhealth.org 2

4 weeks after losing a loved one while others may choose not to attend for months or years following the death. It is very important to be sensitive to individual needs with respect to timing. It is never too late to begin participating in a bereavement program. Coping with Grief The death of a loved one is one of the hardest and most painful experiences in life. Grief for that loss is a normal and natural emotional reaction. The range of emotions associated with grief is as varied as there are people and personalities. Expressing emotions can help to heal grief. To ignore these emotional responses can prolong grief. As every relationship is unique, so are the feelings and thoughts each person will have about the relationships that have been altered by death. What may help the grieving process is to understand what many people experience after the death of a loved one. Symptoms of grief are wide ranging and varied and may include: Emotions of sadness, anger, anxiety, loneliness or fatigue Physical sensations of having a tight chest, increased sensitivity to noise, dry mouth and/ or muscle weakness Changes in behavior including sleep or appetite disturbance, being absent minded, loss of interest in activities, dreams about the person who died and/or crying Do not let anyone tell you how to think or feel. Every person has their own style and time frame for grieving. There is no right way to grieve. Try to allow space for whatever emotions occur. If grief seems to have no end, still feels exactly the same after six months and continues to interfere with daily activities, you may want to consider a grief support group, counseling, and/ or medical follow-up. It is important to seek help if: Your grief feels overwhelming or too much to bear (you feel like you are going crazy or having an emotional breakdown). You are having difficulty functioning at work, in relationships or other areas of your life. You are feeling very sad for three or more months. You have prolonged physical symptoms such as body aches, stomach problems, difficulty sleeping, etc. Your anger is out of control; you unfairly lash out at others or behave violently. You use or have an urge to use alcohol or drugs to mask or escape from your feelings. You have thoughts of suicide (seek help immediately by calling 911 or a local crisis hotline). 3 Martin Health System

5 Hints for Healing Recognize that everyone s grief is unique because each relationship is different. Each family member will have his or her own grief response. It is all right to grieve. Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Find a safe person who can listen to you and who can let you express your feelings without trying to stop them. Review your relationship with the person who has died. It is okay to remember your loved one honestly. Remembering both the joy and disappointment in the relationship helps healing. Talk about the feelings of disappointment, pain and gratitude with someone who can listen without offering advice or trying to fix your grief. Know that for many, the first calendar year can be the most difficult. The first time through the cycle of birthdays, anniversaries and holidays without the loved one can be emotional. Make a special effort not to be alone on these days. martinhealth.org 4

6 Grief Recovery Grief recovery outreach programs are offered through Martin Health Spiritual Care. For information about grief support groups and classes, contact the Spiritual Care Office at , ext For those who belong to a faith community, an excellent place to begin is with your clergy person. Many places of worship offer bereavement programs. It can be nurturing and healing to share your experience with others in a safe place. Clergy can provide information if they have such groups. Treasure Health, Community Grief Support Center: (toll free ). Other sources of local information include your physician, medical insurance company, hospices, and social service agencies in your community. Business and Financial Concerns Taking over financial matters may be a new experience for you. However, there are a number of things that should be taken care of within the next six months. This guide is developed to help you prepare for and handle the many details which must be attended to, whether or not any prior arrangements were made. The following are some items you may need to address. Banks Notify your bank(s) to change ownership and tax identification number, if necessary. Leave joint checking account open for at least one year to handle any payments or refunds that may be payable to both of you. Inquire about mortgage loans, installment loans and credit card accounts. Each lending institution may have a different policy with regard to changes due to death. Also check these accounts for any possible credit life insurance policy that may exist which would pay off the unpaid balance. Safe deposit boxes may need appropriate changes. Cancel any direct deposits, if necessary. 5 Martin Health System

7 Bills Pay any bills that may be delinquent or due within a few days, such as utility bills, secured loans and car payments. A refund may be due on a loan payment if there is insurance coverage on the unpaid balance. Credit Cards Look at your monthly statement. The first name on the statement is the person who has the credit. The second name on the statement is an authorized user of the first person s credit. If you call and tell the credit card company the first person has died, there is a good chance they will cancel the account and not give the credit to the second person. Inquire about credit life insurance coverage on unpaid balances. Cancel all individually held cards of the deceased or transfer the account to the survivor, if possible. Inquire to their procedure for jointly held accounts. Real Estate Record the death certificate (without cause of death) and a Florida affidavit of No Estate Tax Due at the courthouse of the county of residence. (The Florida Affidavit of No Estate Tax Due, if applicable, is issued by the Florida Department of Revenue in response to the filing of the preliminary notice and report). If appropriate, file for Widowed Person s Homestead Exemption. (Filed with the County Tax Assessors office.) Transfer automobile registration. The procedure may vary depending on the existing registration. Usually a death certificate is required. Death Certificates There are two types of death certificates. Your funeral home will help you obtain the number of certificates you want. The following is a list of agencies and organizations who may need a death certificate. martinhealth.org 6

8 With cause of death showing (Normally when the cause of death is required) Life insurance Employee benefits: Pension, annuities, 401(k)s, etc. Auto insurance (If cause of death is an auto accident) Personal records a copy for the family Without cause of death showing (Normally when the cause of death is not required) Social Security Veterans Administration Title transfers (property, vehicles, boats, motorcycles) Banking (checking, savings/money market, safety deposit box, credit cards) Stockbrokers Probate courts Income tax (may be a copy, will not accept with cause showing) Homestead Exemption (may be a copy, will not accept with cause showing) Utilities (water, electric, etc.) (may be a copy) Cell phone (may be a copy) Copies of the Death Certificate You will need to give copies of this to many of the offices and agencies you contact. You can purchase certified copies through your funeral director or from: Bureau of Vital Statistics Attn: Vital Records Section P.O. Box 210 Jacksonville, FL There is a cost for certified copies, but unfortunately many agencies will not take a simple photocopy. You may need copies initially. Your funeral home director will be up to date on the number and what death certificates you will need. 7 Martin Health System

9 Social Security To report your loved one s death to the Social Security Administration, call their tollfree number, , between the hours of 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. Whenever you call, have both yours and your loved one s Social Security numbers handy. If monthly benefits were being paid via direct deposit, notify the bank or other financial institution of your loved one s death. Request that any funds received for the month after death be returned to Social Security as soon as possible. If benefits were paid by check, DO NOT CASH any check received for the month after your loved one s death. Return the checks to Social Security as soon as possible. Contact the Social Security Administration at their toll-free number, , to receive information about a one-time lump sum death benefit. If you re getting disability or retirement benefits on your spouse s record when he or she dies, the Social Security Administration will change your payments to survivor s benefits. If you re getting benefits on your own record, you can apply for survivor s benefits. Call or visit the Social Security Administration to find out if you would receive more money as a widow or widower. Benefits for children will be changed automatically to survivor s benefits after the death is reported. Taxes Income Tax: Federal income taxes of the deceased are due for the year of death. The IRS offers a booklet, Survivors, Executors and Administrators (publication #559), which may be helpful and can be obtained by contacting the IRS or on their website. You may also want to contact a qualified tax specialist in your area. Taxes Federal Estate: If you think you may have an estate on which tax must be paid, please refer to the IRS booklet Introduction to Estate and Gift Taxes (publication #950) or you may want to get a qualified estate tax professional to help answer questions. Taxes State Estate: Contact the Florida Department of Revenue concerning estate taxes. You may need to notify an accountant or tax preparer and collect all necessary documents. martinhealth.org 8

10 Veteran s Benefits If your loved one was a veteran, you may be eligible to receive a lump sum VA Burial Allowance. Please contact the Department of Veterans Affairs at , or see their website for more information cem.va.gov. You can also contact the VA for information about burial in a national cemetery. South Florida s national cemetery is: South Florida National Cemetery 6501 State Road 7 Lake Worth, FL Phone: A copy of the Certificate of Honorable Discharge from military service will be needed. If you cannot find this document contact: The National Archives and Records Administration 8601 Adelphi Road College Park, MD archives.gov/facilities/mo/st_louis/military_personnel-records Check with the VA about other benefits that may be available to you. The Will If your loved one had a will, it will need to be located. Check your loved one s personal documents, any attorneys they have used in the past and safe deposit boxes. A legal advisor can help you determine what needs to be done under the will. If your loved one did not have a will, state law will determine what happens to his/her property. Again, consult with a legal advisor for assistance. Collecting Necessary Papers Below is a list of papers and documents you may need. List of all property: Including real estate, stocks, bonds, savings accounts, and personal property. Land titles, stocks, certificates and other financial papers may be stored in a safe deposit box or other secure place. 9 Martin Health System

11 List of all financial accounts: Including bank and savings accounts, CDs, IRAs or other retirement accounts, other investment accounts and any other documents indicating investments or assets. Insurance Policies: Your loved one may have had several types of insurance policies. These documents may be with your loved one s personal belongings or stored in a safe deposit box. These could include: Life Insurance Mortgage or loan insurance Accident insurance (if applicable) Auto insurance (if applicable) Credit card insurance Various types of insurances provided by your loved one s employer Online Resources: funeralhomes.com usafuneralhomesonline.com dignitymemorial.com martinhealth.org 10

12 Tradition Medical Center Martin Medical Center Martin Hospital South MISSION To provide exceptional health care, hope and compassion to every person, every time. VISION To be an innovative health care system nationally recognized for clinical excellence and improving the health and well-being of the communities we serve. VALUES Services and approach to health care are based on the following ICARE values: INNOVATION COLLABORATION ACCOUNTABILITY RESPECT EXCELLENCE Spiritual Care Department 200 SE Hospital Ave.Stuart, FL , ext martinhealth.org