Your BELIEVE AND LIVE AGAIN Ready4Remarriage Test

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1 Your Ready4Remarriage Test If you are in the process of divorce or newly divorced, the last thing on your mind is likely to be remarriage. So why are we discussing it now. Statistics reveal that while 80% of divorced people remarry, almost 50% get another divorce. We don t want you to make that mistake and go through this all over again. Why do so many remarry and divorce again? Here is what research and statistical surveys have shown regarding of re-divorced people: Many subsequent marriages fail because a previous divorce creates circumstances that lead us to remarry before we are ready. As a result, we marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Divorced people often choose a new spouse from weakness rather than strength You are still coping with all the problems of your divorce You marry out of neediness You repeat mistakes because you didn t learn from the previous marriage You marry too quickly not allowing two years to heal or dating your prospective spouse for less than two years You ignore red flags you find in the new relationship You choose a person recently divorced, someone with many problems, or someone not ready to remarry Would you want to marry someone who was in your present condition? Then why offer that to someone else. Wouldn t you want someone who was happy and whole and had it together? Isn t that what you want to offer someone? Then you have to grow through your divorce and be ready to remarry. Page 1 of 10

2 Your Ready4Remarriage Test Take the Ready4Remarriage Test Action: Make a number of copies of the following test. Even though you may be far from being ready to remarry, take the test now. See how you perform. Work on areas where you score poorly. Take the test again in six months to gauge your progress. Avoid getting serious with someone until you score well on all aspects of the test. The Ready4Remarriage Test Describes me Emotional Very well Not at all No longer in denial about my divorce [] [] [] [] [] 2

3 Have mourned the loss of my marriage [] [] [] [] [] Allowed enough time to grieve/recover (two years or more) [] [] [] [] [] Don t feel overwhelmed by responsibilities [] [] [] [] [] Free of excessive fears and anxiety [] [] [] [] [] No addictions to alcohol, drugs or prescription medicines [] [] [] [] [] Balanced spiritually, psychologically and mentally [] [] [] [] [] Have let go of anger, resentments, hostilities or mistrust [] [] [] [] [] Have no desire to prove something or get revenge against ex [] [] [] [] [] Have stopped talking all the time about my divorce [] [] [] [] [] 3

4 Am no longer feeling like a victim [] [] [] [] [] Have mentally and physically let go of ex [] [] [] [] [] Have no feelings of desperation [] [] [] [] [] Have made progress toward forgiving ex [] [] [] [] [] Feel a sense of peace and stability in my life [] [] [] [] [] Financial Have established own accounts, credit, etc. [] [] [] [] [] Am out of debt or have a functioning plan to accomplish it [] [] [] [] [] Am financially stable (for at least 18 months) [] [] [] [] [] 4

5 Not in search of a financial savior [] [] [] [] [] Have resolved all major legal issues in my divorce [] [] [] [] [] Have my career on track or am progressing toward it [] [] [] [] [] Social Have lived without roommates, live-in lovers or parents (two years or more) [] [] [] [] [] Have a stable set of true friends, acquaintances and supporters, single and married [] [] [] [] [] Have dropped all negative people [] [] [] [] [] Am not feeling lonely all the time [] [] [] [] [] Have an active social life [] [] [] [] [] Have hobbies and interests that are fulfilling [] [] [] [] [] 5

6 Parental Have worked out arrangements about children with ex [] [] [] [] [] Am taking care of children without need for a spouse [] [] [] [] [] Am not in search of a co-parenting savior [] [] [] [] [] Learning Have learned what my role was in marriage breakup [] [] [] [] [] Have assumed responsibility for what I did that led to the divorce [] [] [] [] [] Future Have a life plan involving relational, personal, vocational, spiritual, financial, educational, family, health, sexual, and emotional goals [] [] [] [] [] Have evolved a clear idea of my life purpose and am pursuing it [] [] [] [] [] 6

7 Living Situation Am not living in sin so that guilt becomes a factor in marital decision [] [] [] [] [] Do not have my ex as part of my day-to-day life [] [] [] [] [] Am living in the present now, not in the past [] [] [] [] [] Attitude Toward Remarriage Believe single life can be as happy as married life [] [] [] [] [] Have achieved enough self-confidence to avoid the need to rescue or be rescued [] [] [] [] [] Want to have a marriage partner, but don t need to have one [] [] [] [] [] Have no timetable for remarrying [] [] [] [] [] Am not overly craving romance [] [] [] [] [] 7

8 Have identified the healthy personal needs a committed relationship would fill [] [] [] [] [] Am ready to take care of someone else (not just be taken care of) [] [] [] [] [] Am not expecting someone to make my life exciting [] [] [] [] [] Now feel like I can trust my judgment [] [] [] [] [] Dating Have dated enough potential partners to determine what I want and don t want [] [] [] [] [] Have a clear profile of what a new spouse should be like [] [] [] [] [] Am not focused on only one or a few traits that are opposite from ex [] [] [] [] [] Have rejected soulmate mentality that can cause lack of objectivity in evaluating prospects [] [] [] [] [] 8

9 Am not subject to or have learned to resist remarriage pressures from friends, family or dating partner [] [] [] [] [] Am not desperately wishing dating life would end [] [] [] [] [] Prospective Remarriage Partner Have a prospective partner I ve dated in a committed relationship for at least two years [] [] [] [] [] Have a strong friendship with prospective partner [] [] [] [] [] Am in love with partner [] [] [] [] [] Don t expect to change partner in order to be happy [] [] [] [] [] 9

10 Have tested partner to see how he would perform in a parental role [] [] [] [] [] Feel no obligation to marry this person [] [] [] [] [] Have become familiar with partner s family and friends [] [] [] [] [] Have made a list of partner s negatives and not overlooked problems [] [] [] [] [] Source: Finding the Right One After Divorce, Edward M. Tauber and Jim Smoke, Harvest House Publishers,